After rocket science and algorithms, the most difficult subject to understand is women. They come in various shapes and sizes, and each is unique in her own little ways. Their moods change faster than numbers on the stock exchange. Men, simple-minded as they are, are in constant fear of unintentionally offending or displeasing them. And the situation becomes a hundred times riskier and more challenging in bed. You never know when or how she might react to that new move you just tried? Maybe she was shy only in public, and wants you to do more.
Before you get caught up in the maybes, we list out the 11 different kinds of personalities women act out in bed, and how to get around each.
1. The Dead Body
This kind likes to be ultra passive in bed, and believes that the act of sex is the responsibility of the man. All she does is lie down in bed, frozen like a dead body, expecting you to act upon her. At the most, she can make sex noises to prove you are not having sex with a dead body.
2. The One Who Bites And Scratches
This type is totally capable of injuring you. She reacts wildly to anything you do to her body. She might scratch your back roughly, she might bite your ear, or ‘other things’; she’d claw her way through your body. While most guys like it when women are a little rough, having injury marks the next day is not a very pleasant thing to wake up to. Tip: Apply a light moisturizer before you jump in the sheets with her. Dry skin scratches harder. Also, try biting her back a little. Don’t hurt her, but make it clear you can bite too.
3. The Seductress, The Dominatrix, The Woman Of Your Dreams
If she is confident, makes eye contact, and initiates sex, you know you have landed yourself an alpha female. She knows what she wants and has no qualms in asking for it. The sex is probably going to be great. The only thing you need to worry about here is coming too soon, or before she has come. Every gentleman knows his lady needs to be there, in order for him to be there. And she knows it all too well.
4. The One Who’s Into BDSM
She could be adventurous, she could be a total sissy – there’s no predicting which woman likes it a little rough in bed. She could be into role playing – her favourite roles being that of a victim-perpetrator or master-slave, she could like bondage, asphyxiation, or simply whacking the shit out of you. While this kind can be extremely sexually adventurous and eager to experiment, she is also the most challenging. If you are not experienced enough or a little jittery, you could mess up the whole game. Plus you need to know your moves well – one wrong move could even cost you a lifetime of sex! Kidding, it ain’t that risky.
5. The Hopeless Romantic
Call her the Disney princess, the Simran of Bollywood, she is a hopeless romantic. Pleasing this kind is difficult, especially if it’s a casual fling. Chances are she will not be in a casual fling in the first place. One word: foreplay. Loads of it. Building the perfect ambience is as important. Doesn’t necessarily mean roses and scented candles, but manage a neat good-smelling place at least. And soft music is a must. And she doesn’t have sex, she “makes love”. Caress her, make her feel wanted, lots of cuddling is a must. Oh, and don’t be surprised if she cries after sex.
6. The One Who Likes Dirty Talk In Bed
This one can turn a man on just by talking, for she is one smooth talker. And she loves to be talked dirty to in bed. Be as debauched in language as you can, and she might just let you do anything. Just keep one thing in mind – gauge her limits and don’t go overboard. There are also chances of her being into BDSM. Dirty talk and BDSM often overlap. Congratulations, if you have landed both.
7. The One Who Acts Prudish But Is Secretly Hot For You
This kind acts as a moral police at all times, especially in company. Sex is a no-no, only until she drinks. It’s sleaze fest then. She has repressed it for so long, she is like a house on fire now. She will react strongly to everything you do, so don’t worry about not being good enough. This type makes for a passionate lover. The only thing to keep in mind is that she is rather passive and expects you to take initiative. She has too much of a moral baggage to behave kinky in the beginning. So play your cards right and you have kama sutra in the bedroom.
8. The One Who Freaks Out Too Much
She is probably a virgin or has recently lost her virginity. She is scared and keeps rebuffing all your advances. She can’t decide whether to go ahead or not. And even when you begin making out, going all the way makes her freak out. The onus of making her feel comfortable lies with you. You’ll have to make an extra effort to calm her down.
9. The OCD Victim
The warning signs will be already there. Did she use a hand sanitizer after touching the menu? Does she never eat with hands? If yes, chances are she will carry the obsession to bed too. Forget about getting a head, she might not even kiss after you give her one. Simple clean sex is what she wants, and that is what you will get. If you want to have a good time, make sure you take a bath right before meeting her, or before the act, and make it evident.
10. The One Who Is Getting Over Someone
If things escalate to sex too soon, there can be 3 reasons for it: a) You are too hot b) She is lonely or just horny c) She is getting over someone. While the first two will steam up the sex, if it’s the third reason, hard luck. The sex could be good, but she might still feel unsatisfied. No matter how desperate an attempt you two make, there is going to be a lack of fire somewhere.
11. The One Who Is Too Loud
This one is no secret. She will squeal and grunt as if she is giving birth to a child, only in this case the shrieks are of joy. Now while this can be an instant ego boost for you, you are not sure how well it’ll go down with your neighbours. And if you happen to be married and living with in-laws, awkwardness will be part of your life. Tip: kiss her on the mouth the next time she wants to shout her guts out. Either she’ll shut up, or bite off your tongue. That’s okay, shit happens sometimes.
Women are complicated creatures. They might behave differently at different times, depending on the circumstances, but it’s better to be equipped with some knowledge to be able to understand them better. Oh, and you are welcome.
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