Yes, we are sure you want to be a sex magnet. Being good in bed is not merely a catchphrase picked up off years of watching American TV—it’s something we all aspire to! Pay heed though, my friend, for the journey to the pinnacle of sexual sovereignty is not without its thorns—and these come mostly in the form of incorrect technique, a bad American TV show—or simply, porn. There are things you might be ‘doing’ that just don’t ‘do’ it for her, although the converse is also true—you’re overthinking it! Fret not, sex is something to be enjoyed, not wring hands over and we are here to guide you in the right direction!
1) Not Indulging In Enough Foreplay
Foreplay is like the pre-game extravaganza, the red carpet night before the Oscars, and if you skip it, you know you’re toast. Yes, sometimes it’s great when your girl too is caught up in the moment and rushes headlong into the main act, but most of the times, that’s not how it works for her. Spend a little more time indulging her erogenous zones—kiss her earlobes, blow hot air into her ear or suck on her neck. The moans you hear will be music to your ears, and she will be all the more primed for what’s coming!
2) Mute Sex
This is just the worst. Ever wonder why you’re so easily turned on while watching porn or a particularly racy movie scene? It’s because the added sounds of oomph up the sex quotient just that much and have you completely in the mood! Women don’t want to watch a silent, grimacing man on top of them (or underneath them) exerting all his strength as he pushes into her. Mix it up a bit! Bring out your inner Bradley Cooper and unleash the sounds you’re dying to make. Trust us, she won’t think they’re weird.
3) Biting The Nipple
Like, seriously? It isn’t like that’s the only part the breast consists of, and honestly, excessive biting isn’t sexy—it just hurts. Also, while we’re on the subject, don’t play with them like they’re joysticks, thinking they twist in every direction you want them to. Watch her face as you play with her breasts, and trust us when we say this—you’ll know exactly what to do, how hard and when.
4) Changing What You’re Doing When Going Downtown
There are very, very few women existing in this world who do not complain of one, very REAL orgasm problem. This one is of when their man starts to give them head and then, completely loses his head! Relax, boys, it really isn’t as complicated as you think it is. Even if you’re a newbie, introduce your tongue to the clitoris, and trust us, they’ll be best friends form the word ‘go’. There really isn’t any established science to “how” you go down on a woman, except to keep doing what she likes. The problem, however? When she moans and says “don’t stop”, you stop and do something else completely! Arrgh! Trust us, you’ve got that mojo going—can’t you tell by the tilt of the head and the clenching of the toes?
5) Pushing Her Head During A Blowjob
We take back the disclaimer to No.2—THIS is the worst! Women usually know what they are meant to do when they’re going downtown. There are chances, of course, that she isn’t as fast as you might like, or going at the angle that particularly gets you going. Do, do refrain, good sirs, from yanking the top of her head and pushing it down on your penis, however. Not only is it a completely ungentlemanly thing to do—it also turns her off for good. A little verbal direction of course is awesome, and guide her with your words while she’s at it.
6) Letting Go On Her Face
A close second to the “worst” thing that could happen in bed, is the profound and mystic idea many men often get—that they must empty their jizz all over their partner’s body. While we are sure that there might be some women out there who like it, most, however, shrink in horror at the idea of having to go clean up their breasts, chin, stomach after the ridiculous act. This isn’t fun for women, gentlemen, and she won’t be forgetting the turn-off in a hurry.
7) Asking Her Why She Hasn’t Orgasmed Yet
We are sure this isn’t rocket science to ANYONE, but we’re still going to put it out there as the most basic of basics: women’s bodies are different than men’s, and they orgasm differently. While women do enjoy the special carnal privileges of multiple orgasms, their bodies might take a while to warm up. Usually, women take a slight minute longer and a little more finesse than just jabbing your finger up her vagina to make her orgasm. Complaining about how much time she’s taking? Asking her if she’s close yet and how much longer you must go on? You can kiss sex goodbye.
8) Going Too Hard When Riding Her
You may have watched a lot of porn—plenty to give you the misconception that simply thrusting yourself into a woman very hard, very fast will make her squeal in delight and orgasm all over the place. This, we’re sorry to disappoint you, almost NEVER happens. Listen to her body language, or better yet, ask her if she’s comfortable with the pace and angle. Simple outcome: you’ll have more satisfying sex.
9) Kissing After Going Downtown
NO woman likes this, men. As sexy as it might look on television or in print, no real woman actually wants to taste herself on your lips right after you’ve gone down on her. Do the hygienic thing and wipe your mouth. Then come back for a long, lingering kiss—you deserve it, soldier!
10) Wearing Socks To Bed
Take them off guys, just take them off. Make sure your smelly socks are the FIRST thing you take off when you hop into bed with her; women don’t exactly want to be looking at a full frontal naked man they can’t wait to sleep with—standing sheepishly in front of her, in socks.
There you have it then, gentlemen—a few of the golden tips to follow to reach the pinnacle of mutual ecstasy. We are sure you will be making up your own rules as you go along, doing other things with your partner…but these, here, are pretty much the commandments as far as pleasuring a woman go!
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